Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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