Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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