I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
