No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
