I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
