this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
