My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
