I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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