Just took my morning after pill in the library
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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