Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
