Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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