i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
