Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
