do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
