I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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