His hands were made for my vagina.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
