I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
