I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
