Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ugly people sure do ruin things
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
