they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
