Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
