Porn is love you can see.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
