She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When are your genitals available?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
