I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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