I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
