Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
