I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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