OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
