And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
