if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Soap is not a condiment
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
