she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
