if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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