why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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