I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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