So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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