I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
