U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
