so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
