6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
