Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
