is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
