I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Everyone says I win the strip club
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
