You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
from now on my penis is your penis
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize