if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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