I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
