Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
