Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
