Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
