Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I FOUND THE LEGS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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