My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
