bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
