I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
