dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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