:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
