Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
