Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
