If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i believe in u and ur pee
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
