Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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