Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My pussy is not your playground.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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