I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
