M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want nice things and good sex
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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