Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
