so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
