The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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